MY HEALING: MIRACLE OR MEDICINE?

OVARIAN CANCER STATS

I chose to start out with the statistics of this rare disease and its survival rate, not to intimidate anyone who is facing this aggressive disease but rather to show you the Goodness of my God and what He CAN and WILL do when you “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” Proverbs 3:5

Doctor Chat!

Dr. Diaz: I want you to know that Ovarian Cancer has a 60% chance of recurring.

Patrice: So, during your study, how soon have you seen the cancer return?

Dr. Diaz: It usually recurs within the first two years, but if it goes past 5 years, the chances of the cancer not coming back are even greater. Normally, people are finished with chemo after 6 cycles, but because you are a part of the Clinical Trial, you will go on to do maintenance chemo totaling 22 cycles. Doing the maintenance chemo is a good preventative means of keeping the cancer from recurring.

Patrice: Well Dr. Diaz, I am not even concerned because I know it was God and the work of my two doctors that healed me from this disease!

Dr. Diaz: Smiles

My battle with Ovarian Cancer began March 21, 2018 and after a very successful chemo infusion and de-bulking surgery, the battle ended on August 27, 2018, and we received the news we were longing to hear.

“My Doctors say I’m in REMISSION but the Word of God tells me I’m HEALED.” 🙏🏽

“You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.”   ~Isaiah 38:16-17

 I would like to give you a flashback of the events of what occurred the day of my surgery. I want you to know that God made His presence obviously clear based on the success of the surgery and the ongoing praise that permeated the Recovery Room after Pete and Michelle received the results of the surgery from Dr. Gatcliffe and Dr. Diaz.

“Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore I will deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name. He shall call upon me, and I will answer him, and honour him. With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.  ~Psalm 91:14-16

Too Blessed to be Stressed…Too Anointed to be Disappointed!

The morning of surgery, I woke up with praise on my lips. I was feeling fearless! The previous CT Scan that was done on July 18th revealed very promising reports that the Chemo did exactly what it was supposed to do according to my doctors.

I, on the other hand, just take pleasure in giving God the glory that He was the Chemo flowing through my body and He directed it to every diseased area where it needed to flow.

Let’s Take a Quick Break for a Bit of Sermon Talk!

Last week’s sermon preached by Pastor Rick from Christ Fellowship is such confirmation of God’s divine intervention. Just to give you a snapshot of his sermon, he explained that during WWI, Mustard Gas was used to kill soldiers.

Amazingly, what they found after examining the bodies of the dead soldiers was that many of them had cancer. It was discovered that the Mustard Gas not only killed the soldiers as intended but it also killed the cancer cells.  With that discover, they wondered if they could find the perfect balance of mustard gas that would kill cancer cells without killing the patient.  Sure enough, their discover led to a medical breakthrough, chemo therapy.  Amazing right?

Every three weeks I am subjected to chemo, my “mustard gas”, and while the chemo is eradicating the cancer cells, it is also killing some of my good cells. What I find even MORE mind-blowing is how God sheltered me throughout the entire battle that was going on in my body.

With that said, how can I not acknowledge that Jesus Christ is the chemo that flows through me every time I receive my infusion?

The side effects of the infusion is vast and though I have experienced some, they have not been debilitating to the point of feeling like death coming upon me like Pastor Rick explained his experience.

I am just so thankful that Jesus Christ shielded me from so much!

So, as I reflect back on August 1, 2018, the day of my surgery, I prayed, asking God to make Himself evident in the operating room, giving my doctors steady hands to use the tools with precision, and the wisdom and knowledge of where to navigate in search of the remaining tumors and lesions.

If I said I was scared of the end results I would be lying. I had completely erased the notion of fear and defeat out of my mind. I was confident in the knowledge and abilities of my two doctors, Dr. Troy Gatcliffe and Dr. John Diaz, but more so, I had an unexplainable peace that surpassed all understanding in the sovereignty of my Savior.

So what about other believers who have the same attitude of faith I do, yet their outcome is different?

Well, I don’t have an answer for that except that as we do this Christian walk, we have to believe with ALL our hearts that God’s plans are ALWAYS good NO MATTER WHAT!!! We don’t understand it at times, but because we know God’s love for us, we must trust Him even when it hurts or we become doubtful.

I heard a sermon by Pastor Robert Jeffress the other day and he explained why parts of our lives are like the back of a tapestry.

On the reverse side of the tapestry shows a mess, with hanging threads and tangled stitches.

Isn’t that how life is at times?

Sometimes life’s a mess and we can’t seem to understand why bad things happen or sometimes life just doesn’t make sense.

Though we may not have the answers to life’s questions, we will one day when we are united with our Creator.

The tapestry of our lives will be revealed and we will see the beautiful, detailed image of how God has woven together all the loose and dangling threads for our good.

All along, it was those loose threads and uneven stitches that depict the events of our lives that God was stitching together for His perfect will and His glory.

“But Jesus answered them, My Father worketh hitherto, and I work.” John 5:17

 “Jesus answered and said unto him, What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter.”  ~John 13:7

 Party in the Pre-Op!

 I felt so glamorous in my designer, green gown that draped off the shoulder with a second piece of fabric wrapping loosely across the front.  To complete the fashion ensemble, I rocked my airy and light baby blue headpiece. Then I completed the look with a pair of pastel yellow, skid-grip socks.

                     ENTERING THE OPERATING ROOM IN STYLE!😁

The nurse came in to chitchat for a bit to entertain any questions I might have and to prep me.

Heart rate, temperature, blood pressure checked, and then he started an IV line in both hands.

The anesthesiologist discussed with me how they will make the surgery pain-free and that the medicine will remain in my system for up to 24 hours to ensure that I wasn’t in pain after the surgery.

Since this was going to be administered by a needle in my lower spine, all I cared about was that it would be done while I was knocked out. Even though they assured me that it wouldn’t hurt and done before I knew it. The same thing with the catheter, I did not want that done while I was awake. Ugh!

The highlight was when my two doctors came in to ask me if I was ready and because it’s always so pleasant talking to them, they were so nice about posing for a picture with me. They are so sweet!!

                                             DR. TROY GATCLIFFE
                                                         DR. JOHN DIAZ

It wasn’t evident that I was going in for major surgery at any moment.  I was being so silly doing all these antics on Michelle. She was saying they were gonna complain about all the noise we were making.

Typical Michelle…such a prude. LOL

Suddenly the curtain was pulled open and the two nurses that came to wheel me to the operating room, commented that we were having way too much fun. 👍🏽

From the short commute to the operating room, I was out before I knew it.

However, I will describe what occurred in the operating room based on the conversation my doctor had with Pete after the surgery was finished, as Pete and Michelle experienced it.

What was originally planned to be an extensive 6-hours surgery was surprisingly reduced to 2 hours.

Can We Get Our Praise On!

 As Pete and Michelle sat in anticipation and curiosity of what was taking place in the operating room, two hours later, in walked Dr. Gatcliffe and Dr. Diaz.   They were very pleased with the outcome of the surgery.

A matter a fact, what Dr. Gatcliffe and Dr. Diaz witnessed in the operating room had them questioning what they saw the first time they attempted to do the de-bulking surgery when I was initially diagnosed but realized that the cancer was so compacted and attempting to remove it would not have been the optimal decision.

The surgical plan was to conduct a complete hysterectomy along with removing the spleen, parts of the intestines and other organs where the tumors and lesions matastisized.

It was with much amazement that Dr. Gatcliffe said he ended up only having to remove the uterus, fallopian tubes, ovaries, and omentum. As for the intestines, spleen, and any affected organs aforementioned, no evidence of the cancer was present.

While my doctors were giving credit to the chemo, and rightfully so, Michelle and Pete were not only thankful that the chemo melted away most of the cancer, but they also acknowledged the power behind my healing was ultimately God.

Overwhelmed with joy and just rejoicing about the great news, Pete was beside himself that all he continued to say was, “Oh wow! Thank God! Thank God!”

Michelle recalls, wanting to run outside the door to the outdoor foyer area and just scream, yell, jump for joy! She remembers feeling the urge to yell out and share the news with all the people around her of how good our Heavenly Father is and that He never leaves His children. She wanted to let my doctors know the G😍😍D G😍😍D God we serve❣️

“O give thanks unto the Lord; call upon his name: make known his deeds among the people.”  ~Psalm 105:1

 You Gotta Trust the Process!

 When I was first diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, I knew that 1 of 3 things could result from having this disease:

  • God would miraculously heal me from this cancer through faith and prayer, completely sparing me from enduring surgery and chemo.
  • God would allow me to go through my battle with cancer, but He would carry me through it and like the poem “Footprints in the Sand”, if I ever doubted that He was still by my side, it was because my footprint faded into His as He carried me when the road became too difficult to travel. Healing would come on His timing.
  • God would not take this cancer from me, but instead welcome me Home early.

God chose Option 2 for me❣️

He not only healed me of this disease but He chose to do it as a process.

Remember the story of the blind man whose friends fought their way through the crowd to get their blind friend to Jesus because they knew once Jesus touched him, their friend would gain his sight?

Were they in for a surprise!

With the on looking crowd, Jesus chose to pull the blind man away from the crowd and out of the town.

I’m sure with all this blind man heard about Jesus, he expected instant healing.

Much to his surprise, Jesus chose not to give him his sight all at once. The first time Jesus spat on his eyes, the man saw men as trees, walking. The second time as Jesus put His hands again upon the blind man’s eyes, his sight was restored and he was able to see clearly.

Could Jesus have fully restored his sight the first time?

Absolutely!

But like I said, sometimes Jesus immediately saves us from the stuff we are facing, and sometimes He carries us through the fire.

Jesus chose to bring healing to my body in stages.

Though my healing didn’t occur instantaneously, I was praising God throughout it all. After hearing the glorious news from my doctors about the CT Scan and that the chemo did what it was supposed to do, it melted away most of the cancer, I knew I not only had to trust the Hands of my Savior but to trust His process and His timing.

It was after my hysterectomy that I received my full healing.

For me, trusting God as He delivered me through my battle with cancer was a faith builder. It gave me so many opportunities to thank Him through the stages of my healing and to trust Him that not only is His timing perfect, but that blessings flow when I intimately seek Him and spend time in His Word.

It is during our struggles when we face these God defiant giants in our lives, we just need to surrender it all to Him.

Jesus, You are enough and I will allow You to pull me away from the crowd, and away from anything that causes me to take my eyes off You.

I heard a preacher say this once and I committed it to memory, “God’s delay doesn’t mean His denial!”

Will you choose to wait upon the Lord?

Whether your healing happens instantly or it occurs in stages, use that time to thank Him every step of the way because He is worthy of our praise.

Crunch on this…The M&M of My Healing!

So, I’m sure many of you are wondering, “Was my healing a Miracle or Medicine?

By definition, a miracle is defined as an event not explicable by natural or scientific laws. It is an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause that defies the laws of physics.

So, would I say God performed a miracle on me?

My answer is no!

However, giving all glory to the omnipotence of my Savior, I see my healing as God’s divine intervention through the use of medicine and my doctors.

God gave knowledge and wisdom to my doctors of how to treat me, using the right chemo that would be effective at melting away the cancer cells.  He also blessed and guided their hands to remove all visible signs of what was left of the tumors and lesions.

Because I KNOW that nothing happens without God’s sovereign plans, and that He is in complete control of EVERYTHING that happens to us, I am thankful that He chose to heal me of this disease.

God not only determines the date we will be born, as well as the time of our death.

There is absolutely nothing that occurs on this earth that catches Him off guard because we serve an omniscient; all-knowing God!

 

WE CONTINUE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT👏🏽

 

 

 

 

THANKS AND PRAISE: “MY PRAYER WARRIORS”

A THANKFUL HEART❣️  SLIDESHOW

https://splice.gopro.com/v?id=PmXWk9

When warriors are going into battle, they are not only mentally prepared to defeat their adversary, but wearing the proper attire to ensure that they remain protected from the attacks they will encounter. For instance, a Greek Warrior would be suited up in a uniform linen shirt, with metal armor plates on the shoulders. On his chest and stomach is a bronze breastplate and shin guards covering his legs. On his head, he would wear a bronze helmet with a tall crest. Positioned and ready for battle, these warriors stand in alliance to bring down the enemy.

As Christian Warriors, when we experience strongholds and spiritual warfare, how do we prepare to fight so that we can be more than conquerors and have victory in Jesus? Do you take a stance of defeat or are you prepared to be suited up and ready to fight?

As you stand on guard ready to fight with the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, trust God to fight your battles, so that you can experience victory.

Just like a Greek Warrior would be suited with armors of protection, so should we as Warriors in Christ. We need to bury any thoughts of fear and doubt and suit up with the whole armor of God. “Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” Ephesians 6:13

Now, it’s important to maintain a posture with a stance of readiness. “Having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness.” Ephesians 6:14

With our feet securely planted on the floor, in a stance ready for battle, we can be on guard, in a position of defense.  So, how should we stand? “And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace.” Ephesians 6:15

In our moments of weakness and uncertainty, if we are not vigilant in our prayer life, our faith can be compromised.  So even when we are struggling to understand God’s plans and what He’s up to, we are still expected to hold steadfast to our faith. “Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.” Ephesians 6:16

As a warrior, would you go into battle without a helmet and sword? A warrior must protect his head in order to keep a sound mind, staying focused and prepared to resist all temptations and the schemes of the devil, which will only cause us to take our eyes off God’s Word.  “And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God.” Ephesians 6:17

Remember, as believers, we are called to pray without ceasing.  So, how should we pray? “Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.” Ephesians 6:18

Whether a modern-day warrior or a Christian Warrior, both require being well-trained and equipped to step into battle. I love the old saying, “When you fail to plan, you’re planning to fail!” Our first plan of attack should be to seek the Lord with all our mind and soul and to restrain from leaning on our own understanding.  Our ways are not God’s ways, so we need to lean on Him to lead us into all spiritual wisdom.

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.   Isaiah 40:31

A Warrior never goes into battle without the support and guidance of his comrades.   I could never imagine not having all the love and support of my faithful Prayer Warriors praying me through this. The continued prayers from family, friends, and strangers has not just been of encouragement, but given me the courage to be strong as I wait upon the Lord to do His perfect will.

August 1st was my VICTORY DAY!!  I knew that whatever the outcome, I was already victorious because it’s one thing praying for the desires of our hearts, yet another to pray that our hearts are receptive to whatever God sees as good.

I went on the operating table praying for physical healing, but had full assurance in my spiritual healing through the blood of Jesus Christ.

My Prayer Warriors, I can’t express to you enough about the confidence I had in Jesus that day.  I knew that cancer would not have the final word over my body.  This cancer may have taken an unwelcome residence in my body but I know that this is God’s temple, so whatever happens, He will have the final authority over my life.

I was carefree and rid of worry, not because of my confidence in the hands of my doctors and what they said the chemo had done, but that God in His sovereignty allowed a divine intervention. Without discrediting my doctors and the effectiveness of the chemo, I knew Jesus allowed the chemo to work and He guided the hands of my doctors.

The Bible tells us we are to confidently draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. I not only drew near to it, but I clung to His promise. I lied down in FAITH and rose up in VICTORY!

My Prayer Warriors and anyone who reads these words of thanks, I want to encourage you to hold firm to your faith. When doubts, fears, and uncertainties try to get a foothold in your thoughts, REBUKE them in the name of Jesus.  Fear is not of God and you have to remember that you only blur your vision of what God is capable of doing when you see Him through lens of doubt.

Do you suppose God could have made our eyes small and our hearts even bigger because He wants us to walk by FAITH and not by SIGHT?

I hope as you wait upon the Lord for Him to answer your prayers, you will allow His Words to encourage, uplift, and renew your faith as you trust Him to work out all things together for your good because you love and serve Him.

Mankind will fail us every time, yet it’s so easy for us to put our complete trust in mortal men. I want to remind you of the BIGNESS of our God, who is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-faithful. You can trust Him because He’s our Good Good Father who only desires the best for His children.

When your faith seems to waver, like your world is crumbling to the ground, look up to the Savior and allow Him to replant your feet on solid ground.

Just remember that a farmer tills the ground where he will plant his crop, ensuring that the soil is well-prepared in order to get the best harvest. The same holds true to our faith, as a Prayer Warrior, the struggles of life might shake up our world, but when our seed of faith is grounded in God’s Word, we can reap the blessings.

But that on the good ground are they, which is an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience. Luke 8:15

Knowing that we stand in agreement, united in our prayers and believing that God hears every one of our supplications, have allowed me to Fight with Faith and be a Warrior NOT Worrier.

Your PRAYERS covered me, and I was sustained by your LOVE. Thank you my Prayer Warriors❣️

black and white color splash fountain pen hand

                                                                 ~Patrice Moolah ~

G😍😍D G♥️♥️D Father

Food For Thought: When you consider your role as a father, does it measure up or surpasses that of your father?

It was Cycle 3, Day 2 Post Chemo and as I rushed out of bed in the morning to use the bathroom, returning to the bed, suddenly,  the thought hit me.  I had forgotten to say a prayer of thanks like I usually do before my feet touched the floor.

Praise God! Another morning I woke up PAIN FREE!!

Immediately rushing back to bed, laying there in silence, I began to thank God for being my Good Good Father.  Then suddenly, I found myself humming the tune to the song Good Good Father by Chris Tomlin.  I felt the urgency to just lay there and soak up the lyrics to the song.  So grabbing my phone to play it, I realized I would have woken up my hubby, so instead I whispered the lyrics that I would be able to sing it under my breath with accuracy, validating what was truly on my heart of who my Good Good Father is and how much I’m loved by Him. ♥️

Qualities of a Father

🏅He’s a Good disciplinarian

🏅He allows his kids to make mistakes

🏅He’s open-minded

🏅He teaches his children to appreciate things

🏅He accepts that his kids aren’t exactly like him

🏅He spends quality time with his children

🏅He leads by example

🏅He’s supportive and loyal

🏅He challenges his kids

🏅He teaches his children lessons

🏅 He shows us unconditional love

🏅 He protects his family at all costs

These qualities not only describes that of an Earthly Father but are also evident in the qualities of our Heavenly Father.  Just like an Earthly Father would discipline his child when he misbehaves, we too receive correction from our Heavenly Father. The Earthly Father allows his child to make mistakes in order to grow, so does our Heavenly Father who gives us free will to choose to do what’s righteous and pleasing unto Him. The Earthly Father knows that his child is not going to grow up to be just like him, so does  our Heavenly Father who understands that we are sinners and will never measure up to who He is.  An Earthly father enjoys spending time with his child just like our Heavenly Father who looks forward to us spending time in prayer talking to Him.  An Earthly Father tries to be the role model to set a good example and our Heavenly Father took on human flesh to lead us into all truth.  The Earthly Father is supportive of his child in the same way our Heavenly Father cares about us and is faithful.  The Earthly Father allows his chid to experience challenges to help him grow and our Heavenly Father gives us tasks that He prepares and equips us for to bring glory to His name.  The Earthly Father instructs his child through life’s lessons, in the same way our Heavenly Father convicts us so that we can repent of our mistakes.  Just like an Earthly Father is supposed to love his child unconditionally, so is the love of our Heavenly Father who demonstrated His unconditional love for us by dying for everyone.  The Earthly Father will do whatever it takes to protect his child, just like our Heavenly Father who is our rock and our refuge in time of need.

We are blessed to have two influential figures in our lives, our Earthly Father, providing our immediate physical needs and our Heavenly Father, providing our EVERY need.

From your perspective, how do you perceive your Earthly and Heavenly Fathers through your lens of perception?

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I found that it was my personal relationship with my Earthly Father that has molded and shaped my understanding of who my Heavenly Father is and how I relate to Him on a spiritual level.

As I reminisce on my Earthly Father, reflecting on the role he has played in my life, it’s easy to surmise that my self-image, character, and strength is defined by the indelible impression he’s left on me as a result of his love.

MEMORIES OF MY EARTHLY FATHER….

Nothing compares to the love a father has for his child.   It is the result of his caring and comforting attitude that provides the child with validation of his love.  Many of us growing up experience our father’s love through his nurturing behaviors and the physical touch of his powerful and loving arms.  His arms of embrace is much like a security blanket, cradling with affection, swaddling with love.

My Earthly Father’s Love

“Daddy’s little girl” is the loving image I saw in his eyes for me. As I got older, he always expressed to everyone that I was his “favorite”. We shared a lot of special moments together, whether it was me working alongside him to mix concrete, demo a project, typing his invoices, having our father-daughter talks, keeping him awake on the phone as he would make his long drive out-of-state, or holding his hand as we walked together to his next doctor’s appointment. Whatever it was, just spending time with him was always an enjoyable moment. The best part of it all is that he always reminded me of how much I’m loved by him.

The Gift Giver

Daddy was a very giving person and always had a spirit of trying to please everyone to make them feel happy. As a child, he would often call me and say, “What do you want your Daddy to bring home for you?” Whether it’s ice cream, a chocolate bar, eggnog, cookies, crab, etc. …I could expect something yummy. There were times he would buy me roses from the side of the road or bring me a piece of furniture from a job site. I looked forward to him “greasing my palm” as he would refer to putting money in my hand. I could always expect something because he never came home or visited me empty-handed.  He was a giver of good gifts and I loved it!

The Power of his hands

Daddy was the most hardworking man I know.  He was a provider, though a workaholic. Hard work was engrained in him because after the death of his father, he provided for his mom and siblings. He always instilled in me that “Man must work!” He labored hard and he was the Jack of All Trade! There is nothing that he was incapable of doing.  He was extremely knowledgeable and skillful with his hands.  Daddy was definitely a power house!

Instilling Faith in His Daughter

The example daddy taught me was to look at a glass half full rather than half empty. These were not spoken words, however, it was demonstrated in his attitude. He chose to see the good in every situation and responded to life with a positive outlook.  His continual positive spirit even during life’s struggles and despairs taught me how to have faith in God.  I watched him experience many losses but he always maintained an attitude of praise, acknowledging that God goes with Him and teaching me through his example that I must talk to God and trust Him.

There was never a time when Daddy would be leaving to go away for work and I would tell him to drive safely that he never responded with, “Yes Patty, God is sitting right next to me!”  His Faith in God was unshakable and despite the trials he faced, he trusted that God would take care of him. “Give thanks and praise,” were his truth that he lived by.

Stricken by Cancer

Due to various health ailments, Daddy was only given chemo in pill form. It was difficult watching this strong man of stature lose his strength to walk without a cane or being transported in a wheel chair.
Once the cancer spread to his lungs, I placed him on Hospice to prevent him from experiencing pain.

His Faith Overcomes

His cancer was his nemesis but his faith became his strength.  He was strong in the faith and held steadfast to the Lord.  I recall going to the Nursing Home to visit him and as I was walking up to the outdoor seating area, I could see that he was holding an in-depth conversation. When I approached him, I asked who he was speaking to, which was something I was quite used to when I was growing up because he often reasoned with himself.  He replied, “I’m speaking to my God and I told him, “ If He’s ready to take me home then I’m ready, but if He’s not, then I’ll stay and fight.”  Need I say more? My Daddy was a God-honoring man who loved the Lord.

My pastor visited him at the Nursing Home and had a discussion about his salvation.  He was quite pleased with his responses and was confident that Daddy understood that there was only one way to Heaven and that was through Jesus Christ.

His Final Breath

I recall when Daddy was experiencing his final hours on earth, my sisters and I encircled him, serenading him with songs of praise that he enjoyed listening to and reading scriptures he loved to hear.  It was unbearable to watch his unconscious body struggling to take in gasps of air through his laborious breathing.

At the time, my fear of death and feelings of despair of not being ready to say goodbye to my Sweet, Sweet Daddy caused me to run to the bathroom and hide as I sobbed behind the door in desolation.  My sister Cecile bolted in the bathroom, grabbed my hand and said to me, “No Pat, you need to be out here. Daddy needs us!”

As I looked upon my helpless Earthly Father struggling to take his final breath, I later understood that it was the final breath of my Heavenly Father as He hung on the cross, which made the way for my Earthly Father to receive eternal life.

I remember Cecile telling our Earthly Father, “It’s ok Daddy., you can go in peace. Go in peace Daddy!” As a result of our faith in what Jesus Christ did for us, we had the confidence in knowing that he was journeying to be with His Good Good Father.

We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

2 Corinthians 5:8

My Sweet, Sweet Daddy took his final breath. The long, unexpected moment of his 76 years had finally arrived.  The cancer may have taken his mortal life from this Earth, BUT it was his Good Good Father who received him as he journeyed to be with Him for ALL eternity.

Can I tell you that as special as my relationship was with my Earthly Father, the love that permeated the room when he walked in, or the excitement I felt knowing that I was going to see him, will never compare to the love I have for my Heavenly Father and the faith, trust, and hope I have in Him.

REALITIES OF MY HEAVENLY FATHER….

From a very young child, my mother made it her duty to take me to church and to share with me who Jesus is and that He lives in my heart.  I learned many wonderful old hymns of who my Heavenly Father is through the songs she sang while cooking or cleaning the house.  She instilled in me from small about God’s love for me and that He sent His only Son, Jesus to die for my sins and that one day I will get to meet my Heavenly Father.

Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

This is the BEST thing my mother could have ever given me aside from giving me life.  I just can’t imagine how I would have been able to face this cancer both Godless and faithless.  Scary thought huh?

My Heavenly Father’s Love

How do I know my Heavenly Father loves me? When an inventor is making something, a lot of skill, design, and effort is poured into his masterpiece in order to create it with perfection. Well, that’s exactly the thought process that my Heavenly Father used when He chose to create me.   The Book of Psalm goes into an in-depth and detailed description of when our Heavenly Father created me at conception.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:13-16

After He created me, He loved me so much that He wanted to spend eternity with me so He died, that I might live. WOW!!! THAT IS AN EVERLASTING LOVE!!!

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16

My Gift Giver

My Heavenly Father is a rewarder of good things, blessing me with my husband, a roof over my head, food on my table, my abilities, wisdom, my profession, being able to travel, and countless things.  He takes pleasure in blessing us with good gifts.

Growing up, when my Earthly Father would buy something for me, it gave him great pleasure in knowing that not only was he providing for me but also rewarding me with what I asked for or surprising me with something nice. So if giving me a gift brought my Earthly Father so much satisfaction, you can only imagine how much more joy it brings my Heavenly Father to give me something that I’ve been praying about.

If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?
‭‭Luke‬ ‭11:9-13‬ ‭

The Power of His Hands

God will lay His righteous right hand upon us.

For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.
Isaiah 41:13

As a young child, I became very ill and as my caring and nurturing mom explains it, she could see the look of death in my eyes that no mother would ever want to witness. She said I told her I wanted to die.  However, I had a praying mother who prayed over me and pleaded for life not death for her young child. God was NOT ready for me yet, He had greater plans for my life.
Some years later, my family, all driving home together in the same vehicle, got in a car accident. My Heavenly Father spared the lives of my family from what could have been a fatal crash on the winding, mountainous roads of Stony Hill, Jamaica.

My Earthly Father, half asleep, driving home, ran off the road into someone’s yard, crashing in their house.  I walked away from that accident with just a chipped front tooth that I wore for many years as a reminder of God’s grace.  Again, my Heavenly Father wasn’t ready for me yet!
On my way home from work , lost in my daydream, I did not see the red light, consequently crashing in a corvette. The impact expelled the airbag, causing my lips to swell.  First on the scene was my Heavenly Father who buffered the impact, preventing me from being seriously injured and the driver of a corvette from being expelled from his convertible.

As I waited for the police to arrive, second on the scene without a phone call of being notified of the crash was my Earthly Father, who happened to be in the area. The story he told me was that he was leaving a job site on his way to another job site and spotted the crash and happened to see that the driver behind the wheel was his baby girl. Rushing into his loving arms, I knew that was the divine intervention of my Heavenly Father leading him down that road to bring me physical comfort.

Who knows what hills, valleys and bumpy roads I might have to toil in the future, but it’s ONE thing I know for sure is that My Heavenly Father’s hand is upon me and He promises NEVER to leave me NOR forsake me!

Instilling Faith in His Child

One of my favorite scriptures to repeat over and over when I’m faced with something challenging is:

“I can do all things through him who gives me strength.”
‭‭Philippians‬ ‭4:13‬ ‭

I have always taken comfort in that verse because I know His Word will not come back void. I trust Him that He gives me the courage to face any God defiant giant such as this cancer. This indescribable joy I continue to feel, with laughter in my soul, a smile on my face, in knowing that my Redeemer lives and whatever I have to battle during this fight, He will allow me to face it in faith NOT fear.

“We begin to battle on our knees and face it from a stance of victory.”
—Priscilla Shirer

Stricken by Rejection, Betrayal and Suffering

Our Heavenly Father came to provide salvation through the cross and despite the verbal abuse and abandonment He endured for our sake, He loved, forgave, and healed. His rejection, betrayal and suffering was not just at the hands of those who accused Him of being a blasphemer, but also, those who walked closely with Him and knew Him intimately as a friend. His own people gave Him up to the Roman Governor to be killed. His disciples, Judas Iscariot gave Him up for coins and Peter denied knowing Him three times before the cock crowed.  He was spat at, slapped, and mocked. He was whipped brutally, yet in agony He stood there WILLINGLY in love as He endured the beatings for us.

His Faith Overcomes

Jesus wasn’t captured in the Garden of Gethsemane, He gave Himself up willing, just as He laid His life down voluntarily.  They didn’t TAKE His life…He GAVE it up freely for US!! He had faith in His Father that God had to allow Him to go through this suffering for our greater good.

His Final Breath Became the Breath of Life

Jesus died and through His death brought us eternal life. Our Good Good Father through the CROSS provided us the free gift of salvation. For all who would acknowledge Him as their Savior, He gives us His Holy Spirit to keep us comforted as a reminder that He is Emmanuel, God is WITH us.

                                                        *******************************

The love of an Earthly Father is in no comparison to that of our Heavenly Father.  Our Heavenly Father’s love was poured out as the Red Sea, revealed in the stripes that camouflaged His back, with arms of a cross as an extension of His love for us.

What a vivid image of the depth of our Savior’s love.  As much as we consider the love of our Earthly father, it pales in comparison to the eternal and sacrificial love of our Heavenly Father.
“Oh, it’s love so undeniable
I, I can hardly speak
Peace so unexplainable
I, I can hardly think
As You call me deeper still
As You call me deeper still
As You call me deeper still
Into love, love, love

You’re a good good Father
It’s who You are, it’s who You are, it’s who You are
And I’m loved by You
It’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am”

SONG:  Good Good Father Link
By: Chris Tomlin

https://youtu.be/RfYSVrYTyTo

As kids we grew up singing the children’s song, “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”  But, have you ever tried to visualize His love? The first time I watched the movie, “The passion of the Christ” created through an artistic rendition of the actual events described in the Gospels and being portrayed through film, I cried uncontrollably. It was an unbearable sight to behold.  All I could think was, “When will the floggings stop?” I wept silently as I considered the agony and torture my Heavenly Father had to endure to demonstrate His love for us. He did NO WRONG, yet He was crucified for His pure, unadulterated love, compassion, forgiveness, and miracles.

Was there a pinnacle moment or experience you have had when you came to the realization, “Oh yes, Jesus loves me?”

I HAVE! And yet, my Heavenly Father continues to PROVE IT to me OVER and OVER again! 

He has shown up once again on my behalf, demonstrating His love for me by answering countless prayers for HEALING.  How could I not consider Him my Good Good Father?

“The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.”
‭‭Lamentations‬ ‭3:25‬ ‭

GENETICS TESTING RESULTS…

A Genetic screening test was done a couple of months ago using my blood to perform an analyses of 34 genes in my body associated with Hereditary Cancer.  This test was done to determine whether I had any mutated genes that could possibly cause other types of cancers.

I have posted an Ovarian Self-Awareness poster.  Please take the time to share it with friends and loved ones.  No other woman should have to develop Ovarian Cancer.  Be self-aware!!

The results of the tests indicated:
1.  Pathogenic Mutation(s): Non Detected
2.  Variant(s) of unknown Significance: None Detected
3.  Gross Deletion(s)/Duplication(s): Non Detected

Result:

Testing did not find any disease-causing mutations in the genes tested.

Summary:

NEGATIVE: No clinically Significant Variants Detected

THE CA125 TEST…

Before starting chemo, I remembered the doctor telling me that sometimes the treatment is not successful and the cancer could possibly spread.  Hearing that was alarming to think that the medicine that is supposed to help might not work.

It was in that moment that I had to remind myself that God is my Healer.  I chose not to become fixated on the Medicine but rather the Miracle Worker, Jesus Christ.

Throughout the three chemo infusion cycles, I trusted God to be the chemo that flowed throughout my body.  I focused on the Words of my Heavenly Father:

Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise.
Jeremiah 17:14

My Heavenly Father heard my prayer and that of my Prayer Warriors and He answered our plea.  Not only was my body responding to the treatment, but the results were showing a steady decline in the CA125 Test.

What does CA125 show?

“A CA 125 test measures the amount of the protein CA 125 (cancer antigen 125) in your blood. A CA 125 test may be used to monitor certain cancers during and after treatment. In some cases, a CA 125 test may be used to look for early signs of ovarian cancer in people with a very high risk of the disease.”

The Results of the test over the period of the Three Chemo Cycles indicated:

Cycle 1 on May 11th, the CA 125 Level was 1081 (high level)

Cycle 2 on June 13th, the CA125 Level was 322
(This was a 759 points decline from cycle 1)

Cycle 3 on July 11th, the CA125 Level was 40
(This was a 282 points decline from cycle 2)

CT SCAN….

Yesterday, before receiving the results of the CT Scan from my GYN Oncologist, I shared with Jesus that no matter what the results revealed, I was going to praise Him because His Will was done.  I knew that all along I have been praying for God’s Will to be done, so I was confident in knowing that if the CT Scan showed favorable results allowing me to have surgery, then God’s Will was done, and if the CT Scan was not in my favor of having surgery now, I STILL knew that God’s Will was done.

You see, when you sincerely pray for God’s perfect Will, then you are TRUSTING that He KNOWS best even if we don’t understand His answer to our prayers.  That is part of what faith is, trusting through the “Not Nows” and the “No’s.”

Well, as a result of aligning the desires of my heart to the Will of God, He answered my prayers.  The Oncologist said, and I quote, “The CT Scan doesn’t get BETTER than this!” The chemo has done a lot of the heavy lifting.  All of the lesions are mostly gone.  It has melted away a lot of tumors .

SURGERY….

As a result of the CT Scan, the Oncologist will proceed with surgery on August 1st.  He said that since the CT Scan gets no better than this, there is no need to do a Laparoscopy, which was initially done before the onset of chemo treatments.  He goes on to say that, he is looking for “optimal results” and aiming for the “cure”.  Therefore, he says, “Everything must go!”

The procedure involves removing the remaining lesions and tumors which may require removal of organs such as the spleen, appendix, etc.  He said that there is a 25% chance he will have to take part of the intestines and a 10% chance that he won’t be able to reattach it, which would leave me with a temporary colostomy bag.

Once he begins the procedure, he will then decide if the surgery will be performed robotically or an open surgery.  If he performs an open surgery, I will have a large incision, or as he calls it, “The Funky Zipper”.

You wanna know my response to him in regards of “The Funky Zipper?”  I told him that my Funky Zipper will be my battle scar to tell my story.  My God Fights For Me! Remember that song in a past post?

CHEMO….

Depending on the type of surgery, whether it is robotic or open surgery, I will finish off with the three cycles of the four chemo drugs I have been taking.  Then I will start twenty-two cycles of maintenance treatments of Bevacizumab and  Atezolizumab (this is the clinical trial drug that is not disclosed to me whether I am actually getting it or the placebo).  These twenty-two maintenance treatments is to ensure that the cancer does not come back.

With that all said, I remind myself of my J.O.Y. (Jesus Only You!)

There may be a possibility that I am not receiving the placebo of the Atezolizumab and actually receiving the drug itself since one of the side effects is a decline in vision called, Uveitis, which I have been more dependent on the use of my glasses.

MY CHEMO CAPE WILL LIVE ON….

The Nurse Practitioner shared the most exciting news with me.  She said that my Chemo Cape was such an inspiration to her.  She will be having an event for Ovarian Cancer patients.  Through her fund-raiser, she was able to raise sufficient funds to provide gift bags with a CAPE for participating Ovarian Cancer patients.  This will be done for an Ovarian Cancer 5K Walk and she wants me to be a part of it.

GUESS WHAT?  I will be keeping you posted about this event in case you would like to join me in my 5K Walk as I Fight Like A Girl through FAITH!

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The truth is, we CHOOSE how we see our Heavenly Father, through lens of a microscope or lens of a telescope. As our BIG “G” God or our small “g” god.  As the God who parted the Red Sea or the God who caused you to drown in your sorrows because He failed to answer your prayers on YOUR time or how YOU wanted Him to.

Don’t you know that your problems will appear less of a burden to carry the faster you cast all your cares on Him?

Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28, 30

You never have to feel defeated by your circumstances, but rather feel uplifted by the renewing of your mind of who our Good Good Father is and ALL He is able to accomplish in your life when you remove the chains and shackles that imprisons your heart from receiving the Freedom AND Redemption that comes from Jesus Christ.

Let Go and Let God Fight your battles, restore your FAITH of who He is, and cause you to feel inexplicable JOY (Jesus Only You) in knowing that He’s a Good Good Father who willingly carried the sins of this world through His suffering.

Our Earthly Father, limited in His love, will never satisfy or reward us in the way our Heavenly Father can. Our Earthly Father is powerless, yet our Heavenly Father is powerful (omnipotent). Our Earthly Father fails in knowing, yet our Heavenly Father is all-knowing (omniscient). Our Earthly Father can’t always be present with us, yet our Heavenly Father is everywhere (omnipresent).

I enjoy watching this video that was made for Easter but what a beautiful reminder to watch year round of the descriptive and specific character traits magnifying and elevating our Good Good Father.
You GOTTA watch this video!!!

Do You Know My King?
https://youtu.be/uUpO9vT04GY

THAT’S RIGHT>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>THAT’S MY KING!!!

WILL YOU LET HIM BECOME YOUR GOOD GOOD FATHER?

Questions to elevate your Spirit…
1.  What Are Your Thoughts of What Our Good Good Father is like?
2.  Do you know Him on a personal level….where you talk Him and He talks to you?
3.  Have you experienced the indescribable love of our Good Good Father?
4.  Have you ACCEPTED Him in your heart as your Good Good Father?

Oh taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him.
Psalm 34:8

When you feel the struggles of your fight is too great, don’t wait until you have no fight left in you, surrender it all to your Heavenly Father who will meet you right where you are, at your lowest point, to carry you while you are in the midst of your struggle, and saves you as He takes you through it. It is at that moment when you feel the strength to rise up and stand on God’s Word that your eyes will be opened to the truth that He was carrying you all along when you were too weak to carry yourself.

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the father, but by me.

John 14:6

Whether you decide to accept Him as your Good Good Father now or later on in life, make sure you do it before it’s too late. Whether you have hardened your heart to the Truth of the Gospel, that Jesus Christ is Lord, the Bible says:

For it is written, As I live, saith the Lord, every knee shall bow to me, and every tongue shall confess to God.
Romans 14:11

 

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Thank you to ALL my Prayer Warriors our there, supporting, standing, and positioned in prayer, believing that we serve a Good Good Father who is able to heal me!

I just want to express a very special thank you to my best friend’s dad, Jose Silva, who took time from his very busy schedule as a Pastor in Nicaragua to write and record this beautiful and inspiring song for me.  Sit back, relax, and allow the Words of the song, “Keep Holding On” to speak to the depths of your soul.

Song by Jose Silva

audio-2018-07-17-22-31

THE WAY MAKER: CYCLE THREE CHEMO EXPERIENCE

Food For Thought: When you think you know the way, despite your efforts, only to encounter road blocks and dead ends, look to the True Way Maker who makes crooked paths straight, bumpy surfaces manageable, narrow pathways accessible, and pothole roads visible. God will open our spiritual eyes to see through lens of clarity.          ~Patrice

JESUS IS MY WAY MAKER🙏🏽

My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. (John 10:27) Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.

(Psalm 25:4-5)

Lost Our Way….

Have you ever been in a situation where you are so confident of where you are going, that you decided to lead the way only to be faced with the realization that what seemed as familiar territory is clouded by wrong turns and misguided directions?

We have been to the Chemo floor several times, however, on cycle three-chemo day, I was adamant that we were headed in the right direction, despite my husband saying, “Babe, this is not the way!” I was determined for some reason to take the lead, even though after getting to what I thought would have been our destination ahead, only to hear, “No, you are in the wrong section!”

It became evident, after wasting countless time walking aimlessly, that I had lost my way. With a big grin on my face, I couldn’t help but giggle at what my husband said, “Babe, I told you we were going the wrong way!” With laughter in his eyes, he lovingly said to me, “Just follow me,” as I gripped tightly to his arm.

All along the way, I still continued to say to him, “Are you sure? This doesn’t look familiar.” Needless to say, it wasn’t familiar because I had led us away from the building where we were supposed to be.

Let’s just blame my adventurous attitude on my chemo cape and lack of direction, or the fact that to navigate around Baptist, I need a GPS. 😄

The Way Maker….

Isn’t this exactly how we respond to our Heavenly Father at times? We become so lost in thinking that we are in control, we lose sight of who’s really in control of our lives. The Holy Spirit is there as our guide, to lead us into all truth, yet, we dismiss His guiding and quench the Spirit as He tries to lead us down the right path. He wants to guide our steps that we may live in accordance with His Word. So many times we hear His voice telling us to just follow Him, He will lead the way, but instead, we take the path that seems familiar to us.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.

Psalm 119:105

I am so guilty of this! So many times I react in my decision-making and haste to satisfy the flesh, rather than being still with the Holy Spirit and seeking Him, knowing that God is the orchestrator, conductor, and director of my life.

I find that when we fail to make Christ a part of our daily lives, we often cause ourselves undue failures. Maybe if I were attentive to the Holy Spirit’s voice, being still enough to listen, I would have heard the whisper of the Holy Spirit telling me to let my husband lead the way.

Seek the Lord and his strength, seek his face continually.

1 Chronicles 16:11

It’s like the lyrics of the song, the same holds true to how Jesus Christ watches over us, “Every step you take, every move you make, I’ll be watching you.” Our Savior wants to hear from us at all times, not just when we find ourselves in a pit, struggling to climb our way out. Christ left us with the Holy Spirit for a reason, we weren’t meant to live this life a part from Him. He wants to dwell within us.

I will put my dwelling place among you, and I will not abhor you.

Leviticus 26:11

Accompany me on this journey as I narrate you through my chemo experience and personal accounts, trusting the Lord to not only reveal His goodness and faithfulness during my times of uncertainties, but also to be my Way Maker.

All In God’s Hands….

It’s always such a pleasure being around my chemo nurse Elizabeth (Eli) and her Medical Assistant Melina. Their affectionate and loving personalities make my chemo experience so uplifting and enjoyable. Eli was so genuinely pleased to hear about how well the aftermath of my second chemo went as I ecstatically praised God of how He spared me from all side effects of the chemo.

“Well my dear, we will have to do a finger prick to check your blood.” Eli explained to me that my white blood cells were low. My count was at 1.49 on Monday when I went for labs and it’s supposed to be at least 1.50. If my white blood cells don’t increase once they do the finger prick, then chemo would have to be postponed.

I could see it in her facial expression that she felt bad having to be the bearer of bad news. More so that I might not be able to follow through with the chemo infusion as scheduled. I assured her that it was ok as I smiled, pointing to my JOY headband, saying, “Jesus Only You!”

She advised me to make sure I’m wearing a mask in public because I’m more susceptible to getting sick.

Before pricking my finger, the phlebotomist used a small heating pack to warm my finger so that I could produce a good blood flow. As she squeezed my finger to get the blood flowing, she began to tell me that she had to get enough blood to fill the little vile and sometimes it’s hard getting sufficient blood from the finger. In hearing that, I began to repeat after every squeeze, “Let it flow Lord, let the blood flow!”  “Thank You Jesus” were my thoughts when I heard her say, “Good, I’ve got enough!”

After the finger prick, I excused myself to the bathroom. As I stood there, I began to speak to the Lord.

“Lord, I am not going to worry about this.  I place this in your hands. I know that if this is Your Will for me to have the chemo infusion today, then You will increase my white blood cell count.  If it’s not Your Will, then I know it’s because You are  protecting me from something and I trust You.”

 I See Uncertainty, God Provides Surety….

 After fifteen minutes of lying in bed, waiting to hear the results of my blood work, in walks Eli and with excitement in her voice, she exclaims, “I HAVE GOOD NEWSSSS!! It went from a 1.49 to 2.0.

Eli (⬅️) and Melina (➡️) took a pic with me during the excitement! 

I was so happy thanking God, my husband wanted to video my whacky HAPPY DANCE.

 

Trusting God Through the Process….

After my hallelujah moment, I was settled down again. Now that they had the clearance to proceed with the infusion, Eli ordered the meds.

My hubby and I always enjoy listening to Melina’s stories about her online professor. After taking my temperature and blood pressure, she began sharing with us about one of her assignments. Suddenly, in walks Eli with more good news saying, “This is so wonderful because your blood work looks good, even your hemoglobin went up!” This is fantastic Lord! I decided it was best to remain in bed and say a “hallelujah praise” to avoid elevating my blood pressure from the excessive dancing.

Just lying there, taking it easy, it suddenly hit me, “Oh no! Babe, we forgot to apply the numbing cream to my port!” Inquiring from Eli if we still had enough time to do it, she told us we could still put it on as she waited for the meds to arrive.

Popping in to visit me at my request was my hubby’s assistant Duarte.

It was such a blessing having another man of God standing alongside my husband to lay hands on me to pray. Duarte’s prayer was so powerful and moving. What I was so thankful for was that He not only prayed for healing and for my husband, but most importantly, inviting Christ to show His presence in the room as I went through the whole infusion process. Duarte calling upon our Savior, inviting His presence to be made known, is a true reminder that God is a very present help in time of need. When God is in the picture, the lighting is perfect!

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble.

Psalm 46:1

“Ouch!” I silently said aloud in my mind as Eli told me on the count of three to take a deep breath. I felt the needle as it snapped to the port.  I needed just a little more time for the numbing cream to take effect.

As she covered the area with bandage, she lovingly rubbed my arm and told me that she was happy that I was doing so well. She went on to say how wonderful the power of prayer is. I immediately chimed in with, “Oh yes it is and God certainly has been watching over me.” She wanted me to know that she is definitely praying for everything to go well.

I can’t help but think that God has definitely hand-picked my caretakers. When we accept that God knows our every thought before it becomes an impression in our mind, our every need before we desire them, our every word without uttering a sound, and our every response before our body makes a motion, then we can resist trying to conceal who we are from an all-knowing God.

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before,

and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from my spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

Psalm 139:1-10

I was fighting to stay awake, trying to wait for my husband to return to the room after walking Duarte downstairs.   I was determined that I would not fall asleep because I wanted to stay awake and talk to him. When I shared with him my plans of talking him to death, he encouraged me to close my eyes and go to sleep.  🙂 I wanted to talk, but he had work to do.

My sweet husband was juggling getting his work done, plus being by my side every step of the way. He showed me that it wasn’t my fight, but rather a fight WE would do together. God knows what we need without us even saying a word!

As my eyes caught a glimpse of his stack of invoices he had to approve, I quickly gave in to the heaviness of my eyelids and my mind wandered off into a restful sleep.

Six hours later, my eyes opened to see my husband sitting in the chair looking at me. “You are gonna be done early today,” he said.

Wow, I realized I had slept through the entire infusion. In a few minutes the chemo would be over and I only had to wait thirty minutes more so that Eli could obtain more blood for the clinical trial.  It was really nice being able to finish up early and not being the last patient to leave.

Jesus Christ is Our Way Maker- Yesterday, Today, and Forevermore ….

During the ride home, I couldn’t help but reflect on the lives of numerous people in the bible and how God made a way for them even when their circumstances seemed hopeless.  I could see how God made a way for me from the moment I arrived at Baptist to the successful completion of my infusion and how He will continue to in the days and weeks ahead.  When we are faithful, we can trust God to map out the way for us.

All throughout the Bible God gives strength to the weak

Fighting their battles, to avoid experiencing defeat

Facing challenges they couldn’t win on their own

He gave victory to a young boy with the use of a stone

Believing that He will deliver the Israelites out of their troubles

Afflictions they faced in not trusting, experiencing struggles

God’s power is greater than any attacks and afflictions

Wait upon the Lord and stand firm on His Word to avoid contradictions

At the end of the fight, experience victory and benediction

Jesus, the Way Maker… our One direction

God was Jonah’s Way Maker….

God sent Jonah to Nineveh to warn the people of their ways

Instead he decided to board a ship to Tarshish but he was amazed

With the sea in an uproar, the captain awoke Jonah who was still in a daze

Throwing him overboard were the sailors’ only craze

They lifted and tossed him in the depths of the sea

All along praying for forgiveness were their plea

God was making a WAY for Jonah as he was about to drown

Faced by the mouth of an open fish was the only help around

Consumed by the fish, in the belly he would stay

Residing there for three days, Jonah had time to think and pray

God’s command to go to Nineveh he decided to obey

He went to preach God’s Word and believing it, the people didn’t go astray

They trusted God, asking for forgiveness from their wicked ways

God was Samson’s Way Maker….

God spoke to Manoah’s wife of the special baby she would bore

Seeking guidance of how to raise this child, to God the parents implored

Not to eat and drink certain foods the Angel warned with conviction

His hair must never be cut was also a restriction

This child would one day grow up to lead Israel as their judge

They left God out their lives and the Philistines were their grudge

But the Israelites prayed and God heard their cry

Manoah’s wife had a baby boy she named Samson, soon they’d understood why

Samson began to grow in stature and strength

He killed a young lion with his bare hands at arm’s length

Samson was told never to share the secret of his power

The moment he confided in Delilah, the Philistines would devour

They shaved off his hair in the final hour

In his sleep, they attacked and plucked out his eyes

Only to praise their god, they plotted Samson’s demise

Standing between two pillars, he prayed asking God to let his strength be restored

Temple walls came crashing; death of the Philistines was his score

God made a WAY, Samson couldn’t ask for more

God was Gideon’s Way Maker….

The Israelites made it to the Promised Land not keeping God by their side

Worshipping the idol Baal, in God they refused to abide

Part of their punishment they were confined to caves

The Midianites swept over their land, their crops they couldn’t save

Yet a brave man named Gideon experienced God’s grace

He went out and grew wheat in a secret place

Using a hidden winepress under a tree

In secret, he threshed the grain so no one would see

Sending a message with an Angel was God’s decree

Instructing him to destroy the image of their false god into debris

He was to build an altar to the true God above

But Gideon feared his countrymen would not show him love

God wanted Gideon to lead an army against his adversary

Out of fear he asked God for a sign, so he tarried

Despite his lack of trust, God gave him the sign he needed

Asking God to prove His faithfulness, again he pleaded

Gideon had the confirmation from God, so he was ready to fight

With 32,000 men, God decreased to 300 to show His might

This battle is His and He alone will save Israel from their plight

Surrounding the Midianites’ army with a plan of a night attack

Each soldier equipped with a trumpet, empty pitchers with torches, they came packed

In great commotion, their shouts and smashing of the pitchers put the Midianites in confusion

Instead of fighting back, they ran away in disillusion

God showed Gideon the WAY to victory through his invasion

God IS Patrice’s Way Maker….

The next battle is still to be won

God will defeat this Ovarian Cancer and it will be gone

The diagnosis placed me at a Stage III

Challenges might be inevitable only my God foresees

With three rounds of chemo, possibly pain to some degree

Side effects either reversible or permanently

No need to worry, God promises never to forsake me

His grace is sufficient in my weakness, which is the key

So this is a glimpse of how God will make a WAY for Patrice

Trusting, praying, and praising Him, she will never cease

Knowing God will fight her battles, brings her endless peace

He will heal and cure her of this senseless disease

Is there a Giant in your way?

Just continue to PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!

God is our WAY Maker, Miracle Worker, Promise Keeper, Light in the darkness

My God, that is who You are

When We Can’t See Ahead…God Illuminates the Way…

It’s now eight days post chemo and I know without a doubt that if I wasn’t seeking God every single day for His provisions, I would not be able to function without experiencing side effects from the chemo. I have felt sensations in my joints and muscles and flu-like symptoms of a runny nose, however, I waste no time in asking Christ to restore my health and make me whole again.

Like a child who desperately desires to be rewarded by her daddy, this is no different from the way I approach my Heavenly Father, telling Him what I need. The beautiful thing is, just like a loving daddy listens attentively to his child, so does our Heavenly Father. Just remember that when you approach Him, that He rewards the faithful. It’s difficult to pray with conviction when you don’t believe He is able and the rewarder of good things.

On July 18th I will have another CT Scan. This scan will be compared to the first CT Scan that was done in March. If the results of this scan shows a noticeable difference from the first, a determination will be made to proceed with the Laparoscopy. Based on how much the cancer has diminished, a complete hysterectomy will follow immediately.

Because I know my God to be my Way Maker, I will trust Him that He will make this surgery possible according to His Will.

Let’s Pray….

Heavenly Father, Lord, thank You for Your Word that promises that You will make a way for us. We trust that even when our circumstances appear hopeless, You are the light that illuminates in our darkness. Lord, let us be reminded that You are able to make a way out of no way because You are omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent. I thank You that we are always in Your reach, and You always make Yourself accessible and available to us. I thank You that through the cross and Your Son, Jesus Christ, we have free access to communicate with You directly. Let us not doubt Your love for us, and instead be reminded that there is no problem too difficult for You to handle. As hopeless as our situation might seem, we can trust that You are in control. Thank You Father, that there is victory in Your name because You Oh Lord, is our Way Maker, Miracle Worker, Promise Keeper, and our Light in the darkness.

 

IT POINTS TO “HIMM”

It’s not about the healing, it’s about the journey in knowing that God is there for us!

The Nonstop Whistle….

8:20 a.m., disturbed by the whistling signal of my text message, trying to ignore it as I rolled over to fall back asleep. It was no use because the messages kept coming in succession. “This had to be Michelle,” I thought. Flipping the phone over to glance at the messenger, I knew it…non other than my BFF. She was up, so she assumed I was up too, consequently, she was launching messages one after the other at me like rockets. Although she was texting a bit earlier than regular, it was her usual everyday concerns, wanting to know how I was feeling and whether I had reported to the doctor about the numbness in my feet. Most importantly, she wanted to share with me her hubby’s reaction as she shared my Blog with him.

The Answer–No Matter What….

I’m feeling wonderful Michelle. I was lying in bed and thanking God, telling Him that I feel normal and I asked Him to heal me if it’s His Will that I may be able to live a long healthy life. I told Him I wanted to see my kids get married and have children. I wanted to be able to live long enough so that my husband and I would be able to retire together. I wanted to be able to live out my dream of traveling the world together as I have always planned.

More importantly, my prayer was more of my Savior and less of me. I thanked God for sending me His Son, and I was quoting the scripture that He was crushed for our inequities, bruised for our transgressions, the punishment brought upon Him brought us peace and by His stripes we are healed. I thanked Him for suffering for us and that many people believe that when the scripture says, “by Your stripes we are healed,” it doesn’t mean Jesus Christ died for our physical healing, it was referring to our spiritual healing. By Your stripes Lord, You provided us forgiveness of our sins and salvation. I told Him that I know that we will have physical healing from sickness and diseases when He returns in the Second Coming and we are given our new heavenly bodies. I thanked Jesus for leaving us comforted by His Holy Spirit when He parted from this earth to be with His Father.  I thanked the Holy Spirit for taking residence in our hearts once we have invited Him in. I shared with Him how grateful I am of His gifts to us, the Fruits of the Spirit, which are peace, love, joy, faithfulness, goodness, kindness, gentleness, long suffering, and a sound mind.

I went on to share with my sweet friend that although I’m praying that I will be healed, I am mentally and spiritually prepared for whatever God’s Will is because I do believe His plans for me are perfect and good. I went on to tell her that when we struggle as Christians to understand why certain things happen even after we have prayed about it and trusted God, that it’s during those times of doubt that we need to have faith that can move mountains. Our faith should be unshakable and built on  a solid foundation, grounded in the Word of God because we know He is sovereign.

I shared with her something that has always helped me through difficult times when I think God is so distant and He’s not listening. When we can’t see His hand, when we don’t understand His plan, we are to trust His heart. Meaning, Jesus loves us and there is nothing that we will experience in this life that He did not endure on a human level.

I told her that we have to always remember in times of doubt; God’s plans are good. He has plans to prosper us, not to cause us harm. His plans are that we will have hope and a future. That future is eternity with Him!

So, in saying all this my friend, I am not ready to DIE, but I am prepared to LIVE for eternity because I have Admitted I am a sinner, Believed that He died for me and rose after three days, and I have Confessed that He is Lord over my life and one day He shall return.

Were You Listening Lord….

After sharing with Michelle my conversation with my Savior and all that was on my heart, I sat still, consumed by my thoughts and wondering if I have truly expressed to Jesus Christ that I desired to live and not die. I started to think about from the moment I was diagnosed that I kept praying that His perfect Will be done. Yes, I was comforted in the fact that I knew where I am going when I die, and if it was my time, then I am ready.

We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

2 Corinthians 5:8

However, as much as I was praying for His Will, have I truly expressed to Him the desires of my heart? I had to remind myself of one of my favorite scriptures:

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

Psalm 37:4-5

The truth is, I have a spiritual affirmation of my salvation that whether the longevity of my life on this earth is secure or not, death is no longer a thought that scares me. I have the assurance of peace within that God has prepared my heart for this journey of exercising Faith NOT Fear. He has prepared my heart to trust Him during this battle and covered me from emotional distress and unrest. He has filled me with His peace that surpasses all understanding so that my thoughts are of Christ NOT Cancer….Miracle NOT Medicine….Salvation NOT Sickness.

An Attentive Heart Listens….

Lately the Holy Spirit has been leading me to listen to the last four songs I downloaded on iTunes. Something about these four songs, when listened to in the particular sequence in which they were downloaded brings fullness to my spirit. Drawn to listen to them as I sat in the stillness of the moment and trying to be in tune to what the Holy Spirit places on my heart, as I was listening to each song, my eyes became fixated on the titles:

Impossible by Sidewalk Prophets

More than Anything by Nathalie Grant

My God Fights For Me by Charity Gayle

Healer by Kari Jobe

I started to realize that this was not a coincidence that these songs were downloaded in this specific order and they are the four songs I wanted to listen to repetitively. It was amazing how the Holy Spirit revealed to me the connection in the lyrics as I poured my heart out to the Lord singing each song.   Suddenly, it all came together as if my mind had connected the dots to a puzzle that the last song amazingly summarizes the messages from the lyrics of the first three songs.

The song Impossible reminds me that only God can do the “impossible” of curing me of cancer. We need to trust God to do the impossible even when our circumstances don’t seem possible. We know that when our God speaks the mountains move. The song goes on to say, “Some would say it’s foolish stepping on the waves (Jesus making it possible for Peter to walk on water) and some would say it’s over when you are buried in the grave (Jesus made it possible when He rose from the dead). These lyrics show that everything is possible with God and we need to put our faith in Him to do the impossible even when things are hopeless and out of our control, that’s when we need to let go and watch God do what only He can do. Did you know that faith is to be able to….?

F orsake

A ll

I

T rust

H im

And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

Luke 18:27

The lyrics of the song More than Anything is that we take our focus off our circumstance and place them on Christ. It’s saying Jesus, I want you more than anything. Even when we are desperate and our hearts’ are overcome, all that we ever need, Christ has already done. We need to remember that Jesus Christ did it all for us when He gave Himself up to be crucified. When we make Him our everything, we will want for nothing. More than anything, He is our Healer. The One who heals us or our sicknesses.   He is our Savior. The One who came to save us from our sins, forgive us of our sins, and grant us eternal life. He is our Giver. The One who provides for our every need. More than anything, let our hearts choose Him as our first choice.

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all they soul, and with all they mind. This is the first and great commandment.

Matthew 22:37-38

My God Fights For Me is such a promising reminder that we can surrender it all to the Lord because He fights our battles. On our own we are weak and defenseless, but in Christ we have the victory. The lyrics of this song talks about David going up against the Philistine giant Goliath and though David faced Goliath without a shield and a sword except five rivers stones and a slingshot, God was fighting David’s battle for him and he was victorious. The other victory was that of Daniel when he was thrown in the lions’ den because he refused to worship mortal men. God shut the jaws of the lions and spared Daniel’s life. Despite the “giants” we face, we can face them in victory with the confidence in knowing that God fights for us.

For the Lord your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.

Deuteronomy 20:4

The song Healer gives a recap of all three songs. The song speaks of the confidence we have that nothing is impossible with God. He holds our lives in His hands and whatever happens, He is in control of it all. There is nothing that happens in our lives that God doesn’t have the final authority over. The next part of the song shows how God fights for us. Not only does He calm our raging seas, but He also walks with us through fires and heals all our diseases. The last part of the song says all the things we believe God to be: He’s our healer, He’s all we need, He’s our portion, and He’s more than enough for us.

The Big Revelation….

I realized that the Holy Spirit didn’t stop there. As I stared at the titles of the four songs but more specifically at the first letters of each song title, my eyes unscrambled the truth and revealed the spelling HIMM. The Holy Spirit wanted to open my spiritual eyes to focus on these four song titles, that my healing all points to “HIM”, my merciful Savior. It was in that moment that I could see clearly what God was trying to show me, that my healing all points to “HIMM”. The extra “M” I believe is there as an emphasis. This was such a great reminder of the power of His name.

And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.

Exodus 3:14

My Prayer….

I pray Father that who ever reads this post will find hope in Your unfailing love. I pray that despite what trials they face, that their faith in You will never waver. I hope that when they are experiencing moments of hopelessness and doubts invade their minds, that they will draw close to You for comfort and peace. Most of all Lord, I pray for the people that are going through life not knowing You as their personal Savior and Redeemer, that they will seek You with their whole heart. I thank You Father that there is nothing too difficult for You even when things seem impossible. I pray that our hearts will yearn for You more than anything. Let us be reminded that the giants we face might seem big, but You Oh Lord is bigger and we can find victory in Your name because You fight our battles. Thank You Lord for being our Healer because You are the only One that can truly save us.