It’s not about the healing, it’s about the journey in knowing that God is there for us!

The Nonstop Whistle….

8:20 a.m., disturbed by the whistling signal of my text message, trying to ignore it as I rolled over to fall back asleep. It was no use because the messages kept coming in succession. “This had to be Michelle,” I thought. Flipping the phone over to glance at the messenger, I knew it…non other than my BFF. She was up, so she assumed I was up too, consequently, she was launching messages one after the other at me like rockets. Although she was texting a bit earlier than regular, it was her usual everyday concerns, wanting to know how I was feeling and whether I had reported to the doctor about the numbness in my feet. Most importantly, she wanted to share with me her hubby’s reaction as she shared my Blog with him.

The Answer–No Matter What….

I’m feeling wonderful Michelle. I was lying in bed and thanking God, telling Him that I feel normal and I asked Him to heal me if it’s His Will that I may be able to live a long healthy life. I told Him I wanted to see my kids get married and have children. I wanted to be able to live long enough so that my husband and I would be able to retire together. I wanted to be able to live out my dream of traveling the world together as I have always planned.

More importantly, my prayer was more of my Savior and less of me. I thanked God for sending me His Son, and I was quoting the scripture that He was crushed for our inequities, bruised for our transgressions, the punishment brought upon Him brought us peace and by His stripes we are healed. I thanked Him for suffering for us and that many people believe that when the scripture says, “by Your stripes we are healed,” it doesn’t mean Jesus Christ died for our physical healing, it was referring to our spiritual healing. By Your stripes Lord, You provided us forgiveness of our sins and salvation. I told Him that I know that we will have physical healing from sickness and diseases when He returns in the Second Coming and we are given our new heavenly bodies. I thanked Jesus for leaving us comforted by His Holy Spirit when He parted from this earth to be with His Father.  I thanked the Holy Spirit for taking residence in our hearts once we have invited Him in. I shared with Him how grateful I am of His gifts to us, the Fruits of the Spirit, which are peace, love, joy, faithfulness, goodness, kindness, gentleness, long suffering, and a sound mind.

I went on to share with my sweet friend that although I’m praying that I will be healed, I am mentally and spiritually prepared for whatever God’s Will is because I do believe His plans for me are perfect and good. I went on to tell her that when we struggle as Christians to understand why certain things happen even after we have prayed about it and trusted God, that it’s during those times of doubt that we need to have faith that can move mountains. Our faith should be unshakable and built on  a solid foundation, grounded in the Word of God because we know He is sovereign.

I shared with her something that has always helped me through difficult times when I think God is so distant and He’s not listening. When we can’t see His hand, when we don’t understand His plan, we are to trust His heart. Meaning, Jesus loves us and there is nothing that we will experience in this life that He did not endure on a human level.

I told her that we have to always remember in times of doubt; God’s plans are good. He has plans to prosper us, not to cause us harm. His plans are that we will have hope and a future. That future is eternity with Him!

So, in saying all this my friend, I am not ready to DIE, but I am prepared to LIVE for eternity because I have Admitted I am a sinner, Believed that He died for me and rose after three days, and I have Confessed that He is Lord over my life and one day He shall return.

Were You Listening Lord….

After sharing with Michelle my conversation with my Savior and all that was on my heart, I sat still, consumed by my thoughts and wondering if I have truly expressed to Jesus Christ that I desired to live and not die. I started to think about from the moment I was diagnosed that I kept praying that His perfect Will be done. Yes, I was comforted in the fact that I knew where I am going when I die, and if it was my time, then I am ready.

We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.

2 Corinthians 5:8

However, as much as I was praying for His Will, have I truly expressed to Him the desires of my heart? I had to remind myself of one of my favorite scriptures:

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

Psalm 37:4-5

The truth is, I have a spiritual affirmation of my salvation that whether the longevity of my life on this earth is secure or not, death is no longer a thought that scares me. I have the assurance of peace within that God has prepared my heart for this journey of exercising Faith NOT Fear. He has prepared my heart to trust Him during this battle and covered me from emotional distress and unrest. He has filled me with His peace that surpasses all understanding so that my thoughts are of Christ NOT Cancer….Miracle NOT Medicine….Salvation NOT Sickness.

An Attentive Heart Listens….

Lately the Holy Spirit has been leading me to listen to the last four songs I downloaded on iTunes. Something about these four songs, when listened to in the particular sequence in which they were downloaded brings fullness to my spirit. Drawn to listen to them as I sat in the stillness of the moment and trying to be in tune to what the Holy Spirit places on my heart, as I was listening to each song, my eyes became fixated on the titles:

Impossible by Sidewalk Prophets

More than Anything by Nathalie Grant

My God Fights For Me by Charity Gayle

Healer by Kari Jobe

I started to realize that this was not a coincidence that these songs were downloaded in this specific order and they are the four songs I wanted to listen to repetitively. It was amazing how the Holy Spirit revealed to me the connection in the lyrics as I poured my heart out to the Lord singing each song.   Suddenly, it all came together as if my mind had connected the dots to a puzzle that the last song amazingly summarizes the messages from the lyrics of the first three songs.

The song Impossible reminds me that only God can do the “impossible” of curing me of cancer. We need to trust God to do the impossible even when our circumstances don’t seem possible. We know that when our God speaks the mountains move. The song goes on to say, “Some would say it’s foolish stepping on the waves (Jesus making it possible for Peter to walk on water) and some would say it’s over when you are buried in the grave (Jesus made it possible when He rose from the dead). These lyrics show that everything is possible with God and we need to put our faith in Him to do the impossible even when things are hopeless and out of our control, that’s when we need to let go and watch God do what only He can do. Did you know that faith is to be able to….?

F orsake

A ll


T rust

H im

And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.

Luke 18:27

The lyrics of the song More than Anything is that we take our focus off our circumstance and place them on Christ. It’s saying Jesus, I want you more than anything. Even when we are desperate and our hearts’ are overcome, all that we ever need, Christ has already done. We need to remember that Jesus Christ did it all for us when He gave Himself up to be crucified. When we make Him our everything, we will want for nothing. More than anything, He is our Healer. The One who heals us or our sicknesses.   He is our Savior. The One who came to save us from our sins, forgive us of our sins, and grant us eternal life. He is our Giver. The One who provides for our every need. More than anything, let our hearts choose Him as our first choice.

Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all they soul, and with all they mind. This is the first and great commandment.

Matthew 22:37-38

My God Fights For Me is such a promising reminder that we can surrender it all to the Lord because He fights our battles. On our own we are weak and defenseless, but in Christ we have the victory. The lyrics of this song talks about David going up against the Philistine giant Goliath and though David faced Goliath without a shield and a sword except five rivers stones and a slingshot, God was fighting David’s battle for him and he was victorious. The other victory was that of Daniel when he was thrown in the lions’ den because he refused to worship mortal men. God shut the jaws of the lions and spared Daniel’s life. Despite the “giants” we face, we can face them in victory with the confidence in knowing that God fights for us.

For the Lord your God is he that goeth with you, to fight for you against your enemies, to save you.

Deuteronomy 20:4

The song Healer gives a recap of all three songs. The song speaks of the confidence we have that nothing is impossible with God. He holds our lives in His hands and whatever happens, He is in control of it all. There is nothing that happens in our lives that God doesn’t have the final authority over. The next part of the song shows how God fights for us. Not only does He calm our raging seas, but He also walks with us through fires and heals all our diseases. The last part of the song says all the things we believe God to be: He’s our healer, He’s all we need, He’s our portion, and He’s more than enough for us.

The Big Revelation….

I realized that the Holy Spirit didn’t stop there. As I stared at the titles of the four songs but more specifically at the first letters of each song title, my eyes unscrambled the truth and revealed the spelling HIMM. The Holy Spirit wanted to open my spiritual eyes to focus on these four song titles, that my healing all points to “HIM”, my merciful Savior. It was in that moment that I could see clearly what God was trying to show me, that my healing all points to “HIMM”. The extra “M” I believe is there as an emphasis. This was such a great reminder of the power of His name.

And God said unto Moses, I AM THAT I AM: and he said, Thus shalt thou say unto the children of Israel, I AM hath sent me unto you.

Exodus 3:14

My Prayer….

I pray Father that who ever reads this post will find hope in Your unfailing love. I pray that despite what trials they face, that their faith in You will never waver. I hope that when they are experiencing moments of hopelessness and doubts invade their minds, that they will draw close to You for comfort and peace. Most of all Lord, I pray for the people that are going through life not knowing You as their personal Savior and Redeemer, that they will seek You with their whole heart. I thank You Father that there is nothing too difficult for You even when things seem impossible. I pray that our hearts will yearn for You more than anything. Let us be reminded that the giants we face might seem big, but You Oh Lord is bigger and we can find victory in Your name because You fight our battles. Thank You Lord for being our Healer because You are the only One that can truly save us.